Stage 6: Differentiating

Date: 2015-10-07; view: 591.

Stage 5: Bonding

Stage 4: Integrating

The fusion of "I" and "I" really takes place in stage 4. Two individuals are now identified as a pair, a couple, or "a package." Interpersonal synchrony is Heightened; the two people may dress, act, and speak more and more alike or share a song ("our song"), a bankbook, or a project.

In stage 5, the interactants announce that their commitment to each other has been formally contracted. Their relationship is now institutionalized, formally recognized. This recognition can be a wedding license or a business contract, :br example. The relationship takes on a new character: It is no longer infor­mal. It is now guided by specified rules and regulations. Sometimes this alter­ation causes initial discomfort or rebellion as the interactants attempt to adjust to the change.

In stage 6, instead of continuing to emphasize "we," the interactants attemrr to reestablish an "I" orientation, to regain a unique identity. They ask, "Ho"» are we different?" "How can I distinguish me from you?" During this phase previously designated joint possessions take on a more individualized character; "our friends" become "my friends," "our bedroom" becomes "my bee room," "our child" becomes "your son" (especially when he misbehaves Although an urge to differentiate the self from the other is not uncommon (we need to be individuals as well as members of a relationship), if it persists, it can signal that the relationship is in trouble or that the process of uncou­pling has begun.