Background: Too Much Too Soon

Date: 2015-10-07; view: 454.

Also avoid devoting your entire second paragraph to background information. That information is rarely interesting and rarely new. The second paragraphs in the following sentences are dull because they emphasize that type of old, routine or insignificant detail:

(1) A state law designed to help police officers find hit-and-run drivers went into effect at 12:01 a.m. today.

(2) The law was passed by the state Legislature during its last session and was signed by the governor.

(3) “Rape is the most difficult crime to solve because of the insensitive treatment given to victims,” District Attorney Russell Grant said during a seminar held last night at the YMCA.

(4) The seminar, the fourth presented in the county during the last year, was sponsored by the Rape Prevention Center, 1015 5th Ave., which offers counseling to rape victims and encour­ages them to prosecute their assailants.

The first example emphasizes the obvious: the fact that a state law was approved by the state Legislature and signed by the governor. The story's second paragraph fails to convey any news: the latest developments. It might have reported what occurred after the law went into effect “at 12:01 a.m. today.”

The second example fails to emphasize the district attorney's comments about rape. Instead, its second paragraph presents background information about the sponsor's identity and goals. Yet the same background information might have been reported in stories about the group's first, second and third seminars, held months earlier. Again, the background information should have been informed after an account of the news: a thorough summary of the district attorney's remarks.

Fortunately, the problem is easy to correct, as in this example:

Six hundred children in the state needed foster homes last month, but only 220 new homes were licensed to care for them.

Karen Hudgins of 2406 Eastbrook Road coordinates the program. She studied sociology in Tennessee and, after earning her master's degree there, moved here in 1984. She is married and has three children.

REVISED: Six hundred children in the state needed foster homes last month, but only 220 new homes were licensed to care for them.

Why? “With more women working, fewer are home and able to care for children, especially problem children,” an expert explained. “Also, it's a lot of work with no pay. The only reward is sharing a part of a child's life and knowing it's important – something that has to be done.”

Before it was revised, the second paragraph shifted from a topic in the news (the shortage of foster homes) to background information about the person who administers the program. Again, that information should be moved to a later paragraph, preferably the story's final paragraph.