Wallflower

Date: 2015-10-07; view: 341.

Careers

Ask Annie

Dear Annie: How can I get out of attending casual but mandatorycompany events that end with everyone getting drunk and making idiots of themselves? I am the only woman in the organization. I don't drink, and I don't feel comfortable at these things.

Dear Wallflower: Casual or not, if these bashes are mandatory, then clearly you've got to show up. However, there is no law that says you have to stay until the last dog ishung. If you don't have a cell phone, get one. Then ask a friend to call you at a prearranged time – after you've had a chance to do some schmoozing but before the festivities reach the Bacchanalian crescendo that bugs you so much – and let your “urgent” call take you gracefully away. For better or worse, people have become so accustomed to the tyranny of cell phones that your colleagues are unlikely to think twice about your exit.

It does seem to me, though, that your problem goes beyond parties. Like it or not, “getting drunk and making idiots of themselves” is an important bonding ritual at some companies. If it is at yours, your wallflower status may eventually do real damage to your career there. Perhaps it's time you looked for a job at some organization with a more congenial culture. Just a thought.

Annie

(From ‘Fortune' September, 2008)

A great many of our readers sent comments on a letter from someone signed ‘Wallflower', who resented mandatory company parties where she was the only one to stay sober.

The consensus is that instead of leaving early, Wallflower might do better sticking around a while. “At these bonding rituals, it's always nice to have at least one designated driver in the group,” writes a reader at a high-tech company, famous for its beer bashes. “I gave my career a big boost a couple of years ago by sipping Snapples while everyone else got sloshed – and then giving my boss, and his boss, a ride home. It was the first chance I'd had to talk to them about some of my ideas for new products. Amazingly, the next day, they both remembered everything I said.”

(From ‘Fortune' November, 2008)