OUR STORY 8 page

Date: 2015-10-07; view: 377.

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After the Greatest Hits album and tour, we didn't split up, points out Nicky. It was never gonna happen anyway, it was just something for the papers to talk about. Besides, there was no let up, it was straight into our fifth studio album. We did feel slightly stale at that point, or at least that we were moving into uncharted waters. No one really expects a 'boy band' to go past the Greatest Hits, including us, so the fifth album as a band was something we wanted to get right. We were still selling out arenas, and one thing we refused to allow was the fans to feel short-changed. Nothing has ever been allowed to get in the way of our live shows being sensational - people spend their hard-earned money on tickets and there are no excuses, regardless of band circumstances, for the shows not being brilliant. The live side is up to us, the record label isn't involved, but obviously the nature of the live set depends on the album that precedes it. So we got our heads together with Louis and Steve Mac and started making plans for the next record, which became Turnaround. Despite feeling stale about the process, I think we bonded even more closely as a band. We were a little more on our own than we'd been used to, Simon Cowell was really busy with American Idol and his career, which was exploding. For the first three years of our career, explains Kian, Simon was involved in every decision to do with the band - every decision. Obviously when American Idol and X Factor came along, that wasn't always possible. Mark: Previously he used to come down to every rehearsal we had. He'd look at every jacket, every shirt, every tie, every pair of shoes, and it'd be like, 'Don't like those, love them, we need to get a bit more of this...' Sonny Takhar was a huge part in that, too, very much so. But they had become so busy with Syco, Simon's TV production company, and all that media empire, that they obviously couldn't have that level of involvement anymore -1 wouldn't have expected them to. Jesus, if I was Simon Cowell and I had all that, I wouldn't take time off to go and see what Westlife were wearing in a photo shoot, you know what I mean?! Although the album had done well, confesses Kian, it was around the time of Turnaround that I found myself getting in too deep in terms of involvement with the record company side of things, specifically the song choices. It was the first album where I got intimately involved with the song choices - a big mistake. You might think that sounds strange, but I'll tell you why. We're not the main songwriters in Westlife. We've written songs for the band, as you know, but we have to rely on songwriters to provide us with material as well. So, conversations have to be had about song choices. In the case of the Turnaround album, I was being sent songs and I was sending them to the boys and we'd all chat about them. Mark then came up with a song called 'Rainbow Zephyr', which was originally by a group called Relish, and we reworked this into an up-tempo tune that seemed ideal for Westlife. Eventually, this track morphed into 'Hey Whatever' and we loved it, we really pushed for it to be the first single off the new album. Then we got a call from Simon Cowell. He wanted to talk to us in his office about the album. He sat behind his desk and calmly said, 'You don't have your hit here. You just don't have your hit.' 'Well, what do you think of "Hey Whatever"?' 'It's alright,' he replied. We were still determined so we put 'Hey Whatever' out as a single. So we pushed and we pushed and that's what happened. Now, as you know from that heady moment in Pete Waterman's studio when we were tipped off about our first number 1, on the Tuesday of every week that we release a single, I get a phone call from Louis Walsh around about half-eight, with the midweek. This time was no different. 'Kian,' said Louis, 'it's at number 4,' our worst midweek position ever, 'and Simon wants to see you all in his office at 11 o'clock.' To be fair, by many successful bands' standards, that was a great position to be in, but relative to Westlife's previous chart history, it was seen as a disaster. I recall ringing the other boys and telling them about the meeting, and as I dialled each of their numbers, I was thinking, Fuck, fuck, fuck, it's only number 4. I should give some context here, says Shane. We had already had II number 1 singles and although 'Bop Bop Baby' had only got to number 5, it had sold over 110,000 copies. 'Hey Whatever' was the only single not to reach 100,000 sales, stalling at just under 80,000. When we arrived at the record company's offices, continues Kian, I was chatting to some people I knew in the International Department on the fifth floor just prior to going into our meeting. Then someone came up to me and, in hushed tones, said, 'Kian, they're blaming you. You were involved in the song choices and you wanted this as a single. They're saying it's your fault.' Suddenly, a big crashing pressure descended on me. I sat down and I actually recall feeling the biggest weight pushing down on my shoulders that I'd ever felt in my life. My first reaction was, 'Why blame me?' After all, I felt I'd also done a lot to orchestrate the album and ease its making, but that clearly wasn't the talking point. We walked into Simon's office and I just sat there pretty quietly. I was gutted. Simon's office walls are covered in discs and awards, explains Nicky, and he sits behind a huge desk, smoking like a steam train. Behind him is a massive mirror engraved with the words 'Yes, Simon, you do look terrific.' We all sat down, waiting to hear what he had to say, remembers Kian. Simon said, 'I have a song I'd like you to hear, boys. I think we should put this out as the next single,' and as he spoke, he pressed play on his machine. Barry Manilow's 'Mandy' came out of the speakers. 'I want it to be the next single and I believe it will be a huge hit,' he said. 'Trust me, lads, trust me.' It was the next single. It was Record of the Year. After that, I just backed away from the music choices. That day in the record company offices, with all those comments and the bad chart position, I just thought, Fuck that, I'm in way too deep. I'm 23 years of age and I'm fucking about with a major record label and trying to make a decision that I don't know enough about. The happy middle ground I've now reached works well for me: I still get all the songs and I still chat for hours with the boys about our preferences, but me personally, I tend not to involve myself with the record company debates about song choices.

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Sometimes, the madness of our jobs can be put into very sharp perspective in an instant, explains Nicky. You can easily get all fixated on what chart position you are, how many albums have you sold, how good or bad is a certain review. It's your job, so you have a certain pride in that. Then something comes along and crunches everything into perspective. In late 2003, we travelled to India for the very first MTV India Awards. You might think that seeing that deprived country was the slap of reality, but actually it was more to do with something that happened to one of our crew. India is a big market and we hadn't been there before, so we were well up for the trip. The second we stepped off the plane in Mumbai, it was a severe culture shock. The poverty was shocking. We'd read about it, but seeing it for ourselves was a rude awakening. The airport was slime-infested and, remember, we'd been travelling the world in private jets and helicopters for some time. I remember the police officers were really aggressive; they had these huge sticks and just seemed very confrontational. We then travelled to Goa to shoot a video, a place that is the main holiday resort in India. We had a bit of fun on some jet-skis and down on the beach, you know, a bit of craic. When the shoot was all done and dusted, we headed back for these awards. The bus we were on drove through the most abject poverty I have ever seen: hardly any solid roads, cows wandering across the traffic, people sitting in the gutter, rubbish piled up everywhere. We even saw people living under motorway bridges. It was awful. I hate saying this, but it was like something out of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' video, people emerging from the dark shadows under a motorway bridge. Very frightening... Which is a shame, because I loved India, says Mark. It was an amazing experience and I'd love to go back... We were staying in probably the only three-star hotel in the area, continues Nicky, which had 24-hour armed guards outside. The hotel was on a hill, so it felt almost like we were in a fort. When we went to rehearsals, the armed guards followed us. We had a signing arranged and when we got there, we were surprised to see them shut the road off completely - because several thousand fans had turned up. It was absolute chaos. We were just sitting there, trying to sign these records and chat happily with the fans, while outside was mayhem and we could see that the police were very heavy-handed. The pandemonium was too much after a very short while and they told us they were going to cut the signing short for safety reasons. Then, when it came to leaving, they beat a path through the crowds and we were instructed to run to the coach. It was pretty unsettling stuff. We went from there to the final rehearsals. The stage was out-doors and we could barely sing for the flies buzzing around our faces and the incredible heat. I thought at that point that the trip couldn't get much worse. But it did. As we jumped down from the stage, we noticed Lasty, our security man of five years, literally on his hands and knees crying. Lasty was a big fella, covered in tattoos and a very tough man, so this was a really bizarre thing to see, especially in the middle of all this Indian madness. He was a big softie underneath, but you really didn't expect to see this. I said, 'Lasty, what's wrong?' and he told me that he'd just received a voicemail from his mate at home to say his father had collapsed and he was very poorly, to call home immediately as he didn't actually know if he was going to be OK or not. We tried to reassure Lasty that his dad would be fine and all got into our cars to go back to the hotel. I sat in the back with Kian and Lasty was in the front with the Indian driver. 'Where did your mate say he collapsed?' Lasty told us it was by a local shop. 'OK, well, let's start from scratch. Well find out all the hospitals near to that shop and phone round...' We were just trying to calm him down and do something useful. Then his mate rang him back and told him that his dad was dead. Lasty just exploded with grief. He threw his phone across the dashboard and tried to get out of the moving car. Kian and me lunged at him and managed to grab him before he opened the door properly and we dragged him back in. He was sobbing and screaming and we both just held on to him as tightly as we could. It was really distressing to see. He'd lost his mam some years earlier and his dad, Dennis, was basically his best mate. It turned out he'd suffered a massive heart attack. It was horrible. We got Lasty to the airport and booked him a first-class ticket home. Unfortunately, the flight wasn't till four in the morning and it was only six in the evening then, so Lasty had to sit in the airport departure lounge for hours waiting to go home. That was a low point, that trip. Not because of the country and the fans, because they were brilliant. But it holds too many sad memories. I have to say it was appalling. I don't think I was right for a while when we came home after that. I kind of sunk in to a little bit of a depression. It was Christmas and that trip was our last promo before the festive break. It took a lot out of all of us. Talk about perspective.

Chapter Sixteen

Brian

Shane: When Brian McFadden told us he was leaving Westlife, I thought we were being punk'd. It was a massive shock to us all, there's no denying that. I absolutely thought we were being punk'd. Nicky actually checked him for TV mics. I was literally waiting for the camera crew to burst in. But they didn't. Brian was serious. He was leaving Westlife. He'd told us a few times before that he was leaving the band, explains Kian. But we just put it down to Brian being Brian. He was like that. He'd say, 'I really fancy a moped,' and he'd just go out, there and then, and buy one. Remember when we bought those three Ferraris and Brian had the canary yellow one? He was the sort of character who'd buy the first house he walked into, the first car he sat in. He was impulsive, energetic - that's what was so great about him. So when he'd first mentioned this before, we hadn't actually taken it seriously, to be perfectly honest with you. He'd told me in a taxi some time before, admits Mark. Though I have to be honest, I couldn't remember it. He later said it'd been in a taxi after we'd had a drunken night out together. We used to go out partying quite a lot, Brian and me, and we'd drink and stumble home and things got forgotten like any friends who go out partying. Maybe I was too drunk that night, I don't know, but I don't remember him saying those things to me. If he says he did, then he did, but I just couldn't remember them. Perhaps, like everyone else, I just dismissed it as one of the things Brian said. There was no logic for him to leave Westlife. Apart from our obvious huge success, his own specific role in the band had never been bigger. On the Turnaround album, he'd sung more songs and more brilliantly than ever before. His public profile was also very big, due to the massive press coverage of his wedding and a photo shoot in OK! magazine. We'd done the promotion for 'Mandy', explains Kian, and then had the festive break. The first thing we did when we got back after Christmas was a Childline concert in Ireland. We went out to a club afterwards with all the band and Louis as well, and he said to Louis then that he wanted to leave Westlife. I remember it being passed around the band in the noise of that club but, again, no one took it that seriously. Not in any disrespectful way, just, 'It's Brian being Brian, you know.' That was our general attitude again. Next up was the Meteor Awards a few nights later, a big Irish music event. We'd won several awards so we were all having a tipple backstage afterwards. Brian was drunk, like the rest of us, and again he said he wanted to leave the band. We were in the dressing room when he said it and when I replied, 'Ah, don't be silly,' he said, Tads, I'm serious,' and walked off and left the venue. We had some press photo calls to do after, so we hauled Louis up with us so that no one suspected anything was wrong. The next day was the first day of rehearsals for the forthcoming Turnaround tour. Brian showed up, but it was slow progress. We only learned one routine that day, so as we were wrapping up, I turned to Brian and said, 'Look, Brian, what's the craic? There's obviously an issue here. You've told us a few times now that you want to leave the band, should we not sit down and talk about it?' Very calmly, he said, 'Yes, that'd be good.' We arranged to meet at the serviced apartments we'd all rented during the rehearsals. We all sat down when Brian arrived and said, 'Right, come on, what's the story?' 'I'm hanging up my boots, lads.' Even though we'd all heard this before, this time we could see he meant it, remembers Shane. It was such a shock, that's why I thought we were on MTV being punk'd. My mind was a whirl. I couldn't comprehend that he would want to leave. He enjoyed so much about Westlife and he was a great fella, he'd literally give you the last shirt off his back if he thought it would help you. He was our joker, the jester, the madcap ball of energy. So to be sitting there deadly serious, telling us he was leaving Westlife, it was just very surreal. We sat there for only about 40 minutes and talked about it, continues Kian. I couldn't believe he had the balls to leave. It was a huge decision. At first, we tried to convince him otherwise. There was no animosity, no shouting; it was all very calm and respectful, just a quiet conversation between the five of us. Nicky even suggested that we went to counselling as a band. He wasn't interested, he was definitely leaving, says Shane, but he said that if it helped matters, he was happy to do the tour - which was starting in just a couple of weeks' time. We didn't think that was a good idea, so it was agreed he wouldn't do the tour, he'd leave. So he did. He got up, gave us all a hug and left. As Brian clicked the door shut and left, admits Kian, I just kept thinking, The band's over, the band's over, the band's over... We didn't know what the fuck to do, says Nicky. First off, we rang Louis and told him, and he said he was coming straight over. He'd be about half an hour, so in the meantime three of us said we'd go and tell our girlfriends. My reaction wasn't really what you might expect, recalls Mark. For about half an hour after he told us, I almost had a sense of relief coming over me. Everyone was reacting in their own individual way, Kian was saying, 'This is it lads, it's over,' they were talking about it and I was just listening to all this and thinking, Maybe it is over, maybe this is finished now, maybe this is the right time for this to finish. The lads all went off to tell their girlfriends and wives while we waited for Louis to arrive, so I just went to my room and sat there alone, thinking it all through. Being very open with you, I even thought to myself, OK, now I can go back to Sligo, I can go back to that life I had that I cherished so much and worried about losing. I can go and see my family and friends. There was definitely a sense of relief that this brilliant lunacy was all over. I phoned Gillian and chatted about it, explains Shane, then I sat in my hotel room and I remember thinking, What could possibly be that wrong? Why on Earth would you want to leave Westlife? But clearly there were other issues as well, probably stuff we didn't know about and he never talked about and didn't want to talk about, which is fair enough. I'd arranged to meet Louis halfway in my car, says Nicky, and show him where the apartments were, but I was so muddled up in my mind I got lost. I was driving around parts of Dublin that I knew like the back of my hand, but I was lost. Eventually I found the street we'd arranged to meet in - a few minutes away from the apartments - and waited for Louis' car to pull up. When Louis came into the room to meet the four of us, recounts Kian, he was amazing. He sat us down and said simply, 'This isn't the end. It isn't over, boys. We aren't going to let this affect us. You're still going to go on tour, you'll make more records, Westlife will continue and be as big as ever – bigger. Within a few minutes of Louis arriving, we were so hyped up about rehearsals and continuing as a four-piece, it was incredible. The very next day the four of us showed up at rehearsals, absolutely raring to go. We'd organized a press conference to officially announce Brian's departure. Again, Louis was very positive. He refused to try to hide it, he just wanted it all out in the open. He wanted to do the conference and get on with the rest of Westlife's future. He was so calm and collected about it and so passionate about continuing undeterred, it was hard for that not to rub off on us. The press conference was at the Four Seasons hotel in Dublin. It was packed when we all walked out to face the media. Brian sat on the end and explained that he felt it was time to leave, that he couldn't commit enough time to his family if he stayed and that he wanted to be with his kids and wife more. Then I read out a letter. The rest of the boys didn't want me to, they said I should just write the letter and give it to Brian in private, but I really wanted to do it. It was very emotional and I actually welled up, I got kinda teary reading it out, I was short of breath, tearful. Then we all hugged, the conference was over and that was it. Brian was officially, publicly, no longer in Westlife. We went and did a photo call as a four-piece. We had already announced we were still doing the tour and moving forward. As far as I was aware, Brian wanted to leave the band to be with his wife and family. Obviously he was unhappy. I think maybe he was unhappy in his life and perhaps he associated that unhappiness more with Westlife than anything else. So he became unhappy doing Westlife. Right from the start, I'd had a great relationship with Brian. When Westlife went to Dublin for those three or four months we were rehearsing for record companies, I lived with Brian. I stayed in his house with his family and got to know them very well and we became very close. Me and Brian used to go out partying together; we got on really, really well away from the band. In the band, we didn't necessarily get on as well because he was this wild, energetic, hundred miles an hour type. You couldn't get him to focus his attention for too long on something before he'd move on to the next thing. For instance, he seriously loved his music and if he'd heard a new tune, he'd play you, say, 30 seconds of it and then say, 'Yeah, but listen to this tune as well,' then play 30 seconds of something else and then say, 'No, no, no, hold on, this one's better,' before you'd really had a chance to hear anything. As a friend, I loved him to pieces for that and got on with him great, but in the band he was a heartache for me. I was dealing with Louis and the record company and I was trying to get Brian to do things and he always didn't want to do them, so... We didn't really clash as such, but he became a wee bit hard work for me - and to be perfectly fair, I became hard work for him too, because we were both pulling in opposite directions. There were specific musical issues too. When we'd started writing our own material for World of our Own, Brian had very strong ideas about how he wanted his songs to sound. That wasn't always possible and I think it kind of affected him a wee bit. He loved the Turnaround album, he felt it was the best record we'd made, but then he was disappointed that we released 'Mandy'. There is a song called 'On my Shoulder', a much more complex track by Steve Mac and Wayne Hector, that Brian absolutely loved and really wanted as a single. We'd had the conversations about singles and 'Mandy', and some of us were genuinely concerned about our careers, but Brian wasn't, he was like, 'Come on, let's just put this out, let's release great music!' So I knew he was unhappy with the band, that was clear, but I didn't think it was terminal. We'd all had phases when we hadn't agreed with the song choices, and all sorts of decisions might be taken that go against what you'd prefer, but that is the nature of being in a band with five people. For a brief while, muses Mark, I felt really guilty because I thought that he'd perhaps been looking to confide in me and talk to me about his concerns, and I'd not even remembered what he'd said. I know now, though, that his mind had already been made up and the chat in the taxi had made no difference to his decision. Me and Brian had a lot of things in common: the record-business marketing machine rubbed both of us up the wrong way a lot of the time and we tended to sit by each other in big meetings, we both liked a cigarette, we both loved to jam and to sing out harmonies, and neither of us was particularly good at getting up in the mornings! We spent a good deal of time together and I was very, very sad when he left. I think people's happiness is more important than Westlife. Even though I cannot be any more passionate about the band than I am, it's just a band at the end of the day and if it's making you unhappy, it can't be allowed to do that. Something has to change to stop that unhappiness. In Brian's case, he couldn't see any change being enough, I guess. We could never justify keeping someone in the band if they were unhappy. Brian was the other Dubliner in the band, says Nicky, and at the very beginning we would have been closest to each other. We were from a more suburban city life, so we gelled. I like him a lot. Brian's personality is so quick, and he is generous and would help you in any way. There was a lot of hurt when he left. It was very quick and very shocking and, yes, I was worried about my career too. But I've tried to be very careful about what I said in the media, we've been through too much together for any throwaway comment to affect that. For a long time, the interviews were all 'Brian, Brian, Brian, will he come back?' People were looking for headlines. But if I have ever said anything he's not liked in the press, it was never intended. He was one of the lads, and we share some fantastic memories of each other; when he left, something else left with him. However, we've worked hard and now there's a new magic with us four. But, Brian, from the heart, thank you for those fantastic years. It's easy now to reflect, continues Kian, and suggest that Brian's marriage to Kerry came too early on. It didn't impact on the band professionally at all really, but within the other four members, we were worried about him. We worried it was all going too fast; it seemed like he was married with kids before you knew it. But to be fair, that was always Brian - everything was so fast, that's his nature. He had the world at his feet. That was just his way and, to be fair, who am I to correct him anyway? You've got to love him for that, he's a fantastic character. I cared about him and I tried - we all tried - to slow things down. We didn't want to see anyone make mistakes in life, especially someone who was that close to us. He was a great guy to be on the road with, a great guy to hang out with, a great guy to go to the casino with. He loved playing cards, he loved his music, he was this big, bubbly personality. For me, there were never any personal issues with Brian, only ones to do with the band. At first, he helped us get a record deal because our sound was so full with that extra bass harmony and visually we then had the dynamics right. Regardless of what ultimately happened. At the end of the day Brian spent years on the road with us and was a big part of all those early stories, and you can't forget what he contributed to the band's success. It's perhaps easy to overlook that, because we went on as a four and it worked so well. it went on to bigger things, but we still need to recognize what Brian McFadden did for Westlife.

Part III

Chapter Seventeen

`All the Best Bands

are Gangs`

Westlife has always been a gang, states Shane. That's our mentality. We were like that from Day One and so when Brian left, you might think that close-knit gang vibe would crumble. Far from it. We were never stronger. It was amazing, in the face of him leaving, the press conference, the speculation in the media about our future, all that stuff, we were just totally focused, the four fucking musketeers. That episode made us close ranks like you wouldn't believe. We were strong with Brian in the band, but after he left we were impenetrable. There wasn't a negative vibe towards Brian, but we were very pragmatic about it. We felt that if he wanted to leave, if he wanted to take that gamble with his life, that was fine, that was totally his choice, his decision, and you had to respect him for that, so we let him go in peace and try to stop being unhappy. I wouldn't knock the fella to this day. But we weren't going to let it fuck up our lives, no way. We just weren't going to let his decision affect the four of our lives and the four of our futures, our kids' futures and our families' futures, no way. Literally, in that two-week window when we rehearsed for the Turnaround tour, we grew closer than ever before. It was the most amazing feeling of strength and focus. We rehearsed so intensely and in between working that out, we would talk and say stuff like, 'We're tighter now. We're not going to let anyone get in between us ever. No one's going to come within a mile of breaking this up.' We became, overnight really, ultra-protective of what we had, what we had worked for. Having seen how easily that could be swept away, we weren't prepared to let that happen. We felt like fucking comrades. Shane's absolutely right, agrees Kian. We had just two weeks to get organized in those rehearsals. So we quickly re-choreographed the dance moves and tweaked the set and then nailed it. There was no messing. The first night on stage without Brian in the band was in Belfast - and I have to tell you, it was one of the best shows we've ever done. There was tons of press interest. Industry guests and fans were all curious to see how we'd perform as a four-piece. It was pretty intense. We knew we were ready. I have to say, a key person in making that happen was Priscilla Samuels, our choreographer since Day One. When Brian left, she just fired in and reorganized us, got it all sorted in double-quick time. She's a very dominant woman - no one ever dares answer back to her! But she commands your respect. Likewise, she will constantly say, 'Respect your audience, respect your stage, respect what you have.' She was brilliant in those frantic two weeks of rehearsals for giving us all a buzz again. She still does it to this day. We nailed that first gig and the reviews were almost universally positive, the journos loved it, the fans loved it and we got a sense that people admired us and respected for taking Brian's departure on the chin, not cancelling the tour and just getting on with it. The tour was brilliant and Brian even came to see a show himself. We absolutely nailed that tour. The tour was brilliant, as Kian says, adds Mark. For me, having struggled with my confidence for so long, it means everything to me that people like what I sing on stage. If someone says, 'You sang crap, but the stage looked gorgeous,' I'd be gutted. That's not the right way round. Rehearsals were a bit scary and a bit rushed and panicky, but we were so focused that we could have dealt with anything that was thrown at us at that point in time. We were so determined, it was almost a super-human focus. We were going to be ready for the first show and we were going to be fucking brilliant, and that was all that mattered. Louis played a key role in convincing us that we could go on without Brian and, in fact, could be bigger and more successful even. We decided to buy into that thought and believe it and embrace that idea. As soon as we did that, we had something to prove to the public, something to prove to ourselves. We were ready to go again. No journalist was going to go home from that gig without enjoying it and thinking it was brilliant and no manager, no record company executive, no fan, nobody would be disappointed by what Westlife was like without Brian. It was probably one of the most important couple of weeks in our whole career. It proved we could rise to the occasion when we had to. When backed into a corner, we come out fighting. When Brian left, there was a huge pressure on us to perform well. But that tour was a massive success in every way. It was our biggest tour ever and it was the cleanest, tightest, most polished set of gigs we've ever done. It was pretty flawless. It really did certify in everyone's minds that Westlife was still really good without Brian, in fact better. We totally pulled it out of the bag. I kept thinking about all those years before, says Kian, when Louis had said, 'We need five in the band, because one of you might leave and that way we'd still having a working band of four.' That's what he always said from Day One. Oddly enough, before he left, we had a certain anonymity to a lot of people, our names weren't necessarily known, it was more 'yer man from Westlife'. I actually think after Brian left, that helped us, I really do. When Robbie left Take That, they didn't last long, because he was such a well-known personality; when Geri Halliwell left the Spice Girls, likewise. We were different back then. Every time you'd see us on TV, we were with Westlife. You still don't tend to see us on TV on our own. There's the odd time, like when I did the X-Factor with Louis, but 99 per cent of the time, it's the band. So to some outsiders, when Brian split, it was a case of 'yer man from Westlife' has left. A lot of people didn't know our individual names at that stage, and I honestly think that helped us regroup and stamp our personalities over Westlife for the future. Just over six months after Brian left Westlife, he released a solo album, states Kian. He also split up with Kerry. We'd heard he was working on a solo record, but we didn't know for sure. The single came out and went to number 1 and initially the album did quite well. For my part, I didn't react too positively to these developments. He told me he was leaving Westlife to be with his family. Now, I love Brian to pieces, I respect him for leaving Westlife when he was unhappy, I respect him for leaving a marriage he was unhappy in, I respect him for doing what he wanted to do with music and taking such a risk. Being a member of Westlife is not for everybody, and to this day I think fair play to Brian for doing it as long as he did, for making that massive contribution and dedicating as much of his life to the band as he did. Around about 2007, we had a few negative words with each other, something which, I'm happy to say, seems resolved now. Let me explain. For years and years and years, we'd been asked, 'How are things with Brian?' and we'd always spoken very highly of him and very nicely. However, by that year, I found myself getting a wee bit more honest about it. What I'm about to say here is nothing I haven't said in private conversation with Brian. I felt like he laughed at me in the press conference. Now I know he has a nervous laugh and a nervous energy to him, and he's explained to me that's all it was. That may be, but it made me feel strange that I thought I was being laughed at when I was actually very emotional and reading out that letter. Brian has said to me and also in interviews that perhaps I was emotional because I thought the band was over. Maybe that's not massively untrue, I probably did think the band was going to break up, but I was still sad to see him go, do you know what I mean? He was our mate. I've since said that we shouldn't have done the press conference and I stand by that. I think we glorified Brian too much when he left the band. I do think that looking back - as a business decision for Westlife - we made a very big deal about Brian leaving the band and that was probably unnecessary. In a way, that helped prepare the ground for his solo career. The shoe could very much be on the other foot now, Westlife could be down the tubes and he could be the next Robbie Williams, but it hasn't worked that way for him, not yet anyway. I really wish it had worked for both of us. I'd have loved him to have written his own material and become massive while Westlife were still doing their thing too. That would have been brilliant. Anyway, some of these negative feelings of mine started trickling out in the press and Brian was obviously unhappy with them because he started texting Louis and Mark, asking why we were saying nasty things about him. Eventually, I picked up the phone and spoke to him direct. We were great, great mates and I wanted to finally talk to him about it all. I remember saying, 'Don't be bothering sending these text messages. If you've got a problem with what I had to say in an interview, say it to me right here on the phone.' He explained his feelings and I explained mine. Looking back on that call, I have to say I respect him for standing up for himself. Even though we didn't necessarily agree, he wanted to know why I was saying things he didn't like. He knows I'm the type of person to express my true feelings; I'm not afraid of saying what I think. I'm very glad he spoke to me in the way he did and that we had that conversation and sorted out our feelings. To this day, we remain great friends. I personally think Brian left, says Mark, because he didn't want to be in Westlife anymore, simple as that. Spending more time with his family was a benefit of that. In time it became clear that his relationship with Kerry was in jeopardy and perhaps he wanted to spend time working on that marriage, but I don't think that's why he left the band, I'm not of that opinion. There's also this expectation that celebrities have all the answers and, remember, we were still in our mid-twenties back then. Brian was just working things out in his head like any man with marriage issues and work problems, it was just that it was played out very publicly. I don't blame him or hold anything against him, I have to say that, I really don't. I don't think he could have really ruined my career by leaving the band. We don't see as much of each now as we used to, obviously, because back then he was in the band and we saw each other every minute of every day sometimes, now he lives in Australia. You can't go from living in someone's pocket to being on the other side of the world without it affecting your relationship. What is nice is that when I do see Brian, I don't feel that I need to start getting to know him again, we just click and carry on as before. Ultimately, there are only five people in the world who know what it was like to be in Westlife during those years and that's a bond that will never be broken. I still have the greatest respect for Brian. I'm grateful to him - just as I am grateful to the other three - for giving such commitment and dedication to the band, because that band has played such a big part in my life. Obviously, the others have continued to give that commitment and have really set their stall out in terms of effort and dedication, and what a team we have become as a result. But I don't have a bad thought in my body about Brian. Hell always be a very good friend of mine and I'll always have a big love for him. I still see Brian, says Shane, but obviously not as much. We've been out for meals with him and Delta, we talk on the phone sometimes and we get on great. It's like going to college with someone and having a brilliant time with them for five years and then going on to work for different companies on different sides of the world - you'll always get on, there'll always be a bond. It's like that. I'll always have good feelings for Brian, he's done nothing against any of us, a great fella, I'll always respect him. I also know that we'll never be in a band together again. That's just a fact of life.