OUR STORY 9 page

Date: 2015-10-07; view: 431.

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Brian leaving was our first big shock, continues Shane. It's enough of a shock to kill most bands, finish 'em. How many times have you seen one member leave and the band carries on, only to fall apart within a year or so? We just thought, Why should it be like that? We aren't gonna let that happen. I think it helped that we hadn't lost our lead singer. Brian had a great voice, don't get me wrong, and his contribution was brilliant. But it wasn't like if Ronan Keating had left Boyzone. Myself and Mark are perceived to be the lead' singers in Westlife, if there is such a thing, so when Brian left we were able to work around it. That's the way I saw it, the way Mark saw it, Kian and Nicky too. By becoming closer as a unit behind the scenes, I definitely think we became much better on stage. We had to up the ante, our individual personalities had to come out more up there. We literally had to fill more of the stage too. And during that Turnaround tour, Westlife rose to that challenge and we ended up a far superior band at the end of it all. If we can survive that and then go on to have more huge success with our subsequent albums, then we can survive anything.

Chapter Eighteen

While We Are

Being Frank …

Right, guys, you've lost a member, you've lost a harmony, we need to change things around a little bit. You need to come back with something big. I think we should do a Rat Pack album/ We were in Simon Cowell's office, recalls Nicky, and he was explaining what he thought should be our next record. We were all aware of the classic songs and performers from the Rat Pack period and we all liked the material, but it wasn't necessarily something we'd have thought of doing ourselves. There's an old saying in the music business: 'You're only as good as your last album.' You might think certain bands, certain levels of success, exclude you from that, but our album of Rat Pack songs certainly made me feel this was a risk we were running. Simon was confident. 'I think you're at a point in your career,' he said, 'where you can all step up to the plate a little bit. You're well known enough to be able to take this gamble, this risk. It'll be great.' Robbie had had such a big success with it, so we thought, Well give it a shot. Recording that record was one of the funniest times ever in the studio - I remember thinking Brian would have loved making this album - and, later, it was one of the hardest for me personally. Initially, it was hilarious. In the first few years, we'd always be in the studio all together; you'd go up and do your vocals for an hour while the rest of the band were on the Play Station. This had changed over the years and we were spending more individual time recording, so you might get two weeks away before you were needed again. I felt it was losing some of the gang vibe, the craic, but at the same time, in Westlife you can't complain about time off! Well, for the Rat Pack album - which was actually going to be called Allow Us to Be Frank - we recaptured much of that gang feeling again. We researched the songs and the period heavily. We all went to see a musical based on that genre and era. Me and Shane actually went to a musical in Las Vegas as well. We bought all the records, read books about them, did a proper job on it. We didn't know at first who was going to sing what, that's why we all went to the studio together. It was so funny. The first two weeks we sang, it was just a load of really bad Elvis and Sinatra impersonations, all in the dodgiest American accents you've ever heard. We knew Elvis wasn't anywhere near Rat Pack, of course, but we just ended up sounding like him for some reason! We were killing ourselves laughing. It was great fun. It took a while to settle into the songs and sing them with our own personalities, rather than a cabaret version. Then we gradually started to nail the songs. Shane first, then Mark, then over time we all got a feel for what was needed and really put in some good performances. The one very fond memory I have of the Rat Pack album, recalls Mark, is how much of an enjoyable experience it was to be singing such different songs. I didn't look at it like I was trying to copy Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin, I was just giving my own take on it. A seasoned Rat Pack fan probably wouldn't have liked my vocals on the album, because I didn't sound like those singers, but I felt that distinction was important. I love to vary things and I love versatility, so as a singer I definitely liked recording the album. It also made me really appreciate Frank Sinatra's voice. I knew of his vocals and I liked them, but once we did the research and got involved in the songs, it made you realize he had such an amazing voice. It's interesting what his voice does to you when you listen to it. It isn't about high notes or vocal gymnastics, it's just a pure, solid gold voice. Unfortunately, at the end of all these fantastically enjoyable sessions, remembers Nicky, I ended up having a bit of a disagreement with the producer, Steve Mac, because of certain vocals of mine that weren't used in the final mix. Because it was Rat Pack, there were no real harmonies, it was all pretty much lead vocals, so on some songs I wasn't singing at all. I spoke to the other boys about it. They totally understood where I was coming from. It was nothing to do with the lads. Let me explain. I'm not the type of person to just pick up the cheque - forget that - so I wanted to ask Steve what the story was, but the lads, knowing my personality, thought it would be best if someone else did it for me, so I wouldn't 'rock the boat', a saying which I despise. If I've got something to say, I prefer to be honest and say it. Shane kindly had a word with Steve Mac for me, trying to work it out. He's a legend of a producer, but I had to feel like I'd had my say about the vocals. Steve just kept saying, 'Well, I've got to put the best foot forward for the band.' That was absolutely his duty as producer, I guess, but I was looking at how this would impact on us later: 'The thing is, Steve, can you see why I'd be uncomfortable when we promote and tour this record and Mark and Shane are singing "Ain't That a Kick in the Head" and I'm just standing there?' At the same time, I was keen not to rock the boat, so it was a tricky balance. We were doing a TV show called She's the One in Manchester, where we picked a girl to come and sing with us on the album... ... and we did three big auditions around the UK, recalls Kian, where we all sat at a table, X Factor style, and fans came up and sang to us without any backing music. The girl who won was very good, she stood out a mile ... ... and while we were on a bus journey for this film, continues Nicky, the final mixes of the new album came through. I couldn't see that much had changed. I could sense the lads listening anxiously to see what vocals the mixes were using. I wasn't happy. 'I've broken my bollocks singing all day on these songs, you've all done your best for me, Louis has done his best for me, there's nothing here to do.' So I flew home that day and said, 'I've had enough of this. Lads, until this changes, I'm at home.' It sounds pretty dramatic, but in reality I don't think I was ever going to leave the band. It would have to be something pretty disastrous to make me leave Westlife. Louis called me in Dublin that night and he was great, he understood where I was coming from. I just couldn't face doing the whole tour and all the promo, just standing there while Shane and Mark sang their parts. The boys agreed and wanted to use more of my vocals, even at the expense of their own. I have to say, through this whole tricky patch, the boys and Louis were first class. Shane had told Steve that I was going home and was extremely annoyed. So I decided to call Steve Mac. I was driving up to a spa in Northern Ireland with Georgina to take a break to get away from it all, but I phoned him on the three-hour journey. I like Steve Mac, I like him a lot, he's a nice guy, he's a very funny guy and I still think he is a very good guy to work with, but at that moment I had to stand up for what I believed in and he rightly had to stand up for what he believed in. To be fair to Steve, he pulled no punches and I like that in someone as I am exactly the same. 'I have to put the best foot forward for the record,' he repeated, 'otherwise I feel I'm not doing my job properly.' I said, 'But the best foot forward for the continuation of the band might be something different though, Steve. If I'm not in there, then I don't know where I go from here.' After about an hour talking very honestly with each other, he agreed to use more of my vocals. That was a difficult time for me in Westlife. I'd never put a gun to the lads' heads and I'd never walk away from this band unless something absolutely catastrophic happened - we're far too close for that, as mates as much as anything else. But there are certain things that need to be there to make that clock keep ticking - for all of us - and that's why I felt very dark towards the end of those sessions. Recording can be tough and, to be honest, sometimes it can wear you down, but I've always believed you've got to fight for what you believe is right.

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Allow Us to Be Frank was not a number i album, hitting number 3 instead, says Shane. It sold just over 700,000 copies, which is a lot, but it's also less than half what four of our nine albums have done and it remains our worst-selling album. It was way short of the million mark in the UK, obviously, which to us felt like a blow. I think we pulled it off, that Rat Pack album, says Mark. We were kind of expecting the critics to pan it, really have a go, but actually they didn't, they were quite complimentary. That was a pleasant surprise and didn't do us any harm, you know. That was a weird, weird year, though, explains Kian. It was the first album we'd done without Brian. In a sense, I could see that doing the Rat Pack thing sort of bought us a little time, but it was a sideways step really. I wasn't a massive fan of the project, if I'm being honest. The studio was fun, as the lads have said, but it was all too old. People already thought we were older than we were, so that didn't help. We were doing photo shoots in these beautifully tailored suits. We spent hours being individually measured up with chalk and then remeasured. The stylists they put on that job worked really hard, too - our hair was perfect, we were beautifully groomed, a real eye for detail, it was all done immaculately. Then we flew to LA and recorded three videos in three days, which we'd never done before either. At first, it was great fun, because it was so different from what we were used to. We were quite natural at it, too. Part of me felt a bit we'd been taken back to our pre-Westlife days, back performing Grease or those other Sligo musicals. It was an act, if you like. We stuck to the characters and initially that was brilliant. Kevin Spacey had made a film playing the part of Bobby Darin and we got to perform with him in London at the launch of the movie. That was cool, too. For me personally, the best part of that project was when our dads formed a band called Dadlife and sang 'That's Life' on our ITV special. It was brilliant! But that enthusiasm died very fast for all of us. By the time we got to the Christmas promotion, I was thinking, Thank God we haven't got to sing Rat Pack songs again... I'm just being honest with you, here. The music was classic, for sure, but we felt too old. We looked stylish, but in an older man's kinda way. We were only in our mid-twenties ... It felt like we were in the West End for a year, agrees Shane. It actually felt as though we'd got a role in a musical. Those are great songs for party pieces, though, to be fair. If you're ever having a few pints with your mates then you can get up and know all the words to those Rat Pack tunes, so that's one good thing that came out of it! The tour following Allow Us to Be Frank was a bit tricky, continues Kian. By this point, we didn't want to be singing Rat Pack songs all night, so instead of doing that we changed the name of the dates to The Red Carpet Tour', but then we were worried the fans would hear that and expect just Rat Pack. So we changed the name again, this time to 'The Number Ones Tour' and we sang a segment of Rat Pack mixed in with a lot of our hits. Westlife had become such a commercial success, says Nicky that an album that shifted less than a million copies in the UK was seen as a disappointment. Allow Us to be Frank was our worst seller so far, so we were concerned. Plus, as Kian has said, the tour to promote it was fun at first but wasn't the most enjoyable one we'd done. When we'd finished the Number Ones tour, we took about three months off, which was an unusually long time for us. I'm not sure about the rest of the boys, but I was certainly considering my future. Collectively, we held our hands up and said, 'We need better songs.' So, we called a meeting with Louis because we were all concerned and said, 'We're stale, the media aren't interested in us, we feel the fans are a bit bored of it, the record company is always on about other new bands around us ...' At the beginning of our career, we were the hottest property and we were pushed, pushed, pushed. Every marketing man in every territory got the phone call from the big boss saying, 'Westlife is the priority. You break this album.' Then, after a while, we felt like we'd become just part of the furniture. People in boxing always say that the last person to know when to retire is the boxer himself; the truth is really that the first person to know is the boxer, but he doesn't admit it to himself. At this point I was having doubts. None of us wanted to let it go, we all wanted to do our best to save it, but was it saveable? So, as I've said, I started considering my future. I really thought this was the end of the band. I did an acting course in New York at the New York film academy. I thought if I needed to find a new path, then acting could be it, I'm a very driven person and I was quite happy to start off at the bottom of the ladder again.

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A big part of the problem for the Allow Us to be Frank tour, ponders Mark, was the way it made us look older, as Kian has pointed out. We were already seen as a band who wore suits all the time, and now we were wearing even more of them. In the past, it's often stopped people seeing us as we really are. Sometimes, for instance, you're walking down the street and people say they are surprised to see you wearing a tracksuit! That's how much the four-men-in-suits image has been driven home. That's a little odd for us because we wear very casual stuff away from the band all the time. We were always pushed as the boys you wouldn't mind your daughter coming home with, and the suits fitted that. But that's only a very small part of what we are and what we do. Tied in to this is a perception in some quarters that we aren't that interesting. We know that Westlife is treated by some people as open season for slagging off pop. We seem to have become the poster boys for criticizing pop music, a reason to not like it. That doesn't really bother us in the main, but if someone I like disses Westlife, it really hurts me. It's happened a million times. Take for example, Kate Nash. I heard her debut single and really liked it. I bought the album and thought it was great. I saw her sing on Later with Jools Holland and really enjoyed it. I thought she was really good and I told people, I said, This is a great album, you should check it out.' Then I heard her in the press saying how she and other women like Amy Winehouse were doing it for the girls and then saying words to the effect of instead of all that shite like Westlife. I was really hurt by that, even though I don't know her person' ally. But she doesn't know me personally either. I had to throw her CD in the bin, I couldn't listen to it anymore. Mind you, I have to be honest, I do like to swap from singer to fan, though with complete double standards! I used to go on, say, CD: UK and feel awkward and sing my best but not really feel good about it. I used to think that the lights and the cameras and all that made it so much more complicated than the public realized and how it was a shame that people couldn't be more sympathetic to a bad performance. But then I'd come home late at night from a club and watch a repeat of the same show and see another act on there singing badly and say, That was a fucking disgrace!' Naughty, really! We've been to a million TV studios over the years and there are still certain bands who won't even look at us or acknowledge they know us, just because we are Westlife and to them we are the epitome of what they want to remove themselves from, so they want to make a statement that they are nothing like us. Sometimes I think it's an accessory for a rock band these days to hate Westlife with a passion, just as much as it is to have black eye' liner or tattoos or whatever. I don't really care, but it's true though. It seems important that you diss Westlife at any given opportunity! Sometimes I can't understand where the passion comes from, the sheer aggression when people comment on Westlife. It tends to be crap bands who do it. By contrast, the biggest Irish band of the lot, U2, has never said a bad word about us ever. They'll have been asked about us a thousand times - the Irish thing, the boy band thing, all that - but not once have I heard them say a bad word about Westlife. And they are what you might call proper celebrities! If the biggest rock band in the world actually says, 'Fair play to Westlife,' then it kind of puts the sneers of a few fucking smelly little scroats into perspective. Who knows, perhaps in alternative circles where people strive to be different, it will become so commonplace to hate Westlife that suddenly it'll be the coolest thing to actually love Westlife. Maybe! Not. Also, I always think no matter how good or successful you are, someone won't be impressed. Even with someone like Prince, who I absolutely idolize - I think he is one of the biggest musical geniuses who has ever walked the face of the Earth - there are a lot of people who think he's an annoying little shit. Plus, at the end of the day, our fans don't care what the Arctic Monkeys or U2 think of Westlife. They just think what they personally want to about us. If our fans like our music, then they have every right to enjoy it without criticism. If it makes them happy, then that makes us relevant. I'm not trying to change the world or do anything political, I'm literally just singing and some people - quite a few, to be fair - like it. So it's between us and our fans. They like us and we like to perform for them, so why do people feel the need to get in between that relationship? They should just leave us alone and let us and our fans get on with it. We're having a great time.

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People might not see us as the quiet, retiring four men in suits, says Nicky, if they were sat in one of our band meetings! There are so many decisions and plans to make in Westlife - it is, after all, a very big business - and, boy, do we have arguments! Things can get very heated. Very heated. We've all gone head to head at some point, more so in the early years. To be fair with you, no one has ever struck somebody else. There's been a few kicks and a few little head to heads. I think there was a head butt along the way, one time in America, me and Kian actually. It was more a case of pushing foreheads against one another than an actual butt. What actually happened, recalls Kian, I think I'm right in saying, is this: we'd been working really hard for weeks on end on that American promo jaunt we told you about and we were all really tired. Nicky and me were rowing over something as we walked down the slipway onto a plane. I snapped and said, 'I'll fucking kill you!' and he said, 'No, I'll fucking kill you!' and we squared up to each other, foreheads touching. We didn't butt each other, it was more of a tiny nudge! We roared at each other 'You fucking hit me! No one hits a member of the band!' 'I didn't fucking hit you! If I did fucking hit you, you'd fucking know about it!' We shouted at each other a little while longer, but it was all over almost before it had started. We all used to row a lot in the early days and it was almost always over something completely trivial. I laugh out loud now when I think of what we argued over. We were landing in Asia once and Mark and Shane were sitting across from each other and they were both coming off the back of a 12-hour flight, tired, scraggy and jetlagged, and were really bickering. They were sitting in Business Class with seats facing each other and all of a sudden their feet went up in the air and they started kicking each other like they were on some out-of-control bicycles. We all jumped in and calmed it down. It was hilarious. Another time, at a photo shoot in Spain, Nicky and Shane were arguing over something and Nicky was wearing a very stylish but very pointy pair of shoes and he just cracked the point of his toe right into Shane's shin. Classic. Looking back on all those arguments, they were fucking hilarious. I don't even remember what they were about. It was a very surreal environment we lived in and the tiniest issues and tensions could be blown up into giant proportions. We were very young, we'd been around each other every minute of every day for several years, we were touring the world with massive success and fame, often jetlagged, nearly always exhausted - it was a melting pot really. When me and Nicky went head to head, it was probably over who was sitting where or perhaps who did the front cover of which magazine next - just kids' stuff usually. Mickey Mouse bullshit. We have some raging arguments. Sometimes, in the middle of a big row, you wonder if it is a good way of working, but actually it's a brilliant way to operate a band. We have four very definite opinions and four very different personalities. And those four people have to be heard. We have a very open and honest band dynamic and, although that can see some pretty big blow-ups, it's the reason why we are still here. I agree 100 per cent, says Nicky. I truly believe those things have to happen to keep the band alive. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has got one and they all stink. So these discussions are important. Sometimes, it kicks off big time. I always try, to the best of my ability, to hear everybody's side, but if I'm passionate enough about something, I won't be easily swayed. Kian's the same, he will not be swayed, and that can cause a bit of a clash sometimes. You can end up walking out of the discussions. We never fall out, but we most certainly disagree. Westlife wouldn't work any other way, I believe. To your average person watching Westlife on telly, I'm able to laugh at the fact that people think we're a boring bunch of twats in black suits with no passion for what we do. Nothing could be further from the truth. Nicky's right, says Kian. We often clash. He has very strong opinions and I am the same, and when you get two characters like that, it can blow up in smoke. I actually think the pair of us handle it very well - we get the decisions made and move on. It's very constructive the way he talks to me and, I think, vice versa. And, I've got to say, we argue over Westlife, we don't argue over anything else. We argue over what's right and what's wrong for the band. It does get heated, agrees Shane, and these meetings can go on for hours sometimes, but we need to do that. People reading this book will now realize that the four members of Westlife don't just get up on stage and sing some songs. We are involved in every element of the band. It's like an empire really. If you think about the band as a business, there are literally hundreds of people involved: the record company, tour staff, management, lawyers, accountants, merchandise people, producers, songwriters, it's almost endless. If we get asked one question by each part of that business, then we might have five or ten major decisions to make every day, things you can't take lightly. We run the band as a democracy, so making those decisions takes time. That dynamic is what makes Westlife tick, it really is. We want to be in control and that brings these debates, it makes our world go round. To be fair, Kian took on the role of speaking with Louis, they love to gossip, they get on really well and began taking those phone calls then telling us the craic. That brings him a lot of stress, but he enjoys that, he really likes that role. He deals with the record company, too, most of the time. He does it very well and it's great that he took that role on too. He's brilliant at it. Sometimes I think the band wouldn't be together if it weren't for Kian. Me and Mark are seen as lead singers, but Kian's role is vital. And as for Nicky, well, he is so passionate about the band that he really wants it to get it right and make the right decisions, he will always want to make sure the band is making the right move and that is amazing too, it drives us to focus and get it right... I absolutely hate the politics side of it, says Nicky... It is a unique chemistry continues Shane, and I don't think any other person in the world could fit in. No other singer, no matter how brilliant, could join Westlife. It just wouldn't work. And ultimately, says Kian, as Shane says, we run the band democratically. We started that right back when Louis said he didn't want to work with a boy band with six members, when we sat down at that table and all agreed to take the chance that one of us would get cut. That's how Westlife works and it's very effective ... And if all else fails, says Nicky, we've always got scissors, paper, rock...

Chapter Nineteen

The Human Instinct

to Find Love

I'm the type of person who has to be myself to be truly happy, says Mark. For a long time, in both Westlife and my private life, I couldn't do that because the general public didn't know that I was gay. So there was a period in my life underlined by darkness and unhappiness. Let me clarify myself. I wasn't consumed by this issue all day, every day. For starters, I didn't have the time to dwell on it, because being in Westlife is scheduled insanity most days of the year. When you're in a band operating at this level, there are literally weeks that go by when you haven't a moment's peace to think about things. People even wake you up - you don't even have to do that for yourself at times. Then it's down to breakfast, after which the schedule for the day is held up and read out by the tour manager, then it's straight into interviews, meetings, studios, travel, flights, show time, then your head hits the pillow, there's a knock on the door and it's the next morning and off you go again. You hear a lot of celebrities complain about that, but for me personally, with regards to dealing with my sexuality, it was a blessing. It meant that during the period when I wasn't ready to confront my feelings and I wasn't ready to come out publicly, I didn't need to think about it - or rather, I didn't have time to. Westlife was a perfect distraction. The minute you step on stage or do an interview, you go into a mode that basically makes you forget about everything else. It's a shut-off valve from reality. It's almost like you put on the infamous Westlife suit and it's all consuming. I didn't consciously push the issue to the back of my mind, but being in a successful pop band certainly enabled me to do so, intentionally or not, for some time. I used to half-think to myself, Yeah, yeah, I'll deal with this, just not yet. If there was ever a quiet minute alone, though, I'd sit down and there was definitely a sadness within me. But I have to stress that I wasn't pretending. I just hadn't come to a conclusion about it yet, there was still a dialogue in my mind that was unresolved. Then I met Kevin and everything changed. He'd been in bands himself - he was still in a band called V when I first met him - so he completely understood my way of life in Westlife. He had come out very early on in his life and I admired the pride and courage he possessed; I loved that in him. We got on brilliantly and I loved being with him. Meeting Kevin has been so good for me because not only did I have a boyfriend, someone to have a relationship with, but I'd also met my new best friend. He was someone to share my life with. We had so much to tell, so much to show each other, so much to do, you know. There was, however, a six-month window when we kept our relationship quiet, but I hated it. Sneaking around, being evasive, it was dreadful. For example, there was a time when Kevin came to see me on tour in Manchester and everyone was going to a club afterwards to have a few drinks and party. We wanted to go but didn't, because I knew that without a doubt everyone was going to put two and two together if we did and initially I wasn't yet ready for that. But very quickly, my growing feelings for Kevin became the catalyst for me to come out. I had fallen in love with someone I wanted to share everything with, learn from, be around, just be my other half, and yet I was 'supposed' to not tell anyone. I was in heaven but only in secret. Well, I wasn't having it! I began to think, You know what? I'm loving this and I'm so happy right now. Everything I'm doing is good, nothing here needs hiding or covering up. All I'm doing is enjoying myself with my other half, my boyfriend. Before I knew it, I wanted to come out in public. I always think that you can't really complain about things unless you have made some effort to change them. Even if that effort comes to nothing, at least you've tried. Sexuality is such a massive part of anyone's personality, it's in their blood, so it has to be expressed, otherwise there is a big hole right in the middle of that person, a constant emptiness. I knew that in order for me to be 100 per cent happy, I had to come out. There had to be a change. I had the money, the cars, the nice house and lots of material things, but the core of my life needed more. I finally realized that my ultimate happiness would involve dealing with my sexuality. I'd put it off long enough. The day came and I was very, very happy. Bring it on! You might think of a gay pop star sitting in his house, crying at the thought of coming out and all the fall-out - nothing could be further from the truth. I knew it was going to be in all the papers the next day and I welcomed that. That's how ready I was. It was exciting. Forget about all the pop-star headlines, the music business, the papers, the celebrity, all of the peripheral stuff - the reason I was ready to tell the world I was gay was because of the simple human instinct to find love and be attracted to someone. I yearned to have someone close, to share things with, to live my life with. That impenetrable shell I'd put up around me - against coming out, against the music business, against anything that might steal me away from my beautiful life back in Ireland - had been rock solid, but Kevin dismantled it in seconds, to be honest. I'd packed it all up so tightly inside me that once it started to unravel, it just fell open within minutes. As soon as it was public knowledge I was gay, everything felt completely natural and absolutely right. It was the start of the rest of my life and I was ecstatic. And do you know what? The boys were ecstatic for me too. And so was Louis. And, fantastically, so were the fans. I'd come out to the boys some time previously and they'd never been anything other than completely supportive, brilliant. The thing is, we spend so much time together and they just wanted me to be happy. Kevin made me happy, so for them that was all that mattered. They genuinely did not care if it impacted on the band at all, as long as I was happy. They knew how much it meant to me to be with someone, so they couldn't wait to meet Kevin, and when they did, they loved him and got on like a house on fire. As you know, Louis had spoken with Shane and Nicky about their girlfriends in the early days, so you might think he'd have been more reserved. Do you know what he said to me when I told him I was going to come out to the fans? 'Brilliant! Mark, I'm so pleased for you!' Louis was very supportive. Not for a second did he think or care about how it would affect the band's image, its record sales, nothing. He was great. I can still hear him now, saying, 'This is great, Mark! Great!' I can honestly say I had not one bad remark or letter. Not one. Things really have changed so much for the better in society. One thing I will say about the whole experience is how crucial the support of your friends and family is. My parents, grandparents, family and friends went out of their way to make sure I knew just how much they loved me and how proud of me they were, telling me I was no different to them than the day before. This can be long before someone comes out, it might be unnoticed by others, say perhaps a comment about a TV show, or about a gay celebrity in a magazine, by the way they generally react and comment about things. You might think certain people won't like it, when in fact they will be very supportive. Don't assume the worst. Once you come out and make that step, you will find there are loads of people around that support you and love you and that you'll never be alone. Good people build up this reserve of confidence in you that means when the time comes, everything will be okay. In fact, it will be better than okay, it will be fantastic. Now that it is all behind me and no longer an issue on any level, I feel so strongly for people who are still trapped behind this obstacle - people who don't have the support they deserve, people who aren't confident enough to come out. The thought of never coming out, as some people sadly do, and living to a ripe old age behind a mask, is just too awful. When I hear of people getting very messed up or, worse still, harming themselves over it, I'm horrified. I'm very aware that opinions and public perceptions of gay men and women have improved dramatically, but things have to keep changing to make the situation as easy as possible for people. There are still such technical words used to skirt around the subject. I don't call Kevin my partner, for instance, like so many people do. He's my boyfriend. If you are a straight man, you introduce someone to your girlfriend. Why should a gay man be any different? Why say my 'partner'? Last time I checked, I don't run a business with him. Hopefully, things will change in time and I just look forward to a day when it is the same for everyone. If someone gets to come out, no matter at what age, then it has to be a good thing. You can't be suffocated like that, it's too sad. As a result of being a gay man who is also known in the public eye, I've been called a role model for coming out and living my life openly and proudly. That's very flattering, but I am rather uncomfortable with that tag. It feels very serious. What I will say is that if I could help someone in a similar situation to mine, give them strength, perhaps a few ideas or even a little bit of confidence to come out and make their life happier, then that would mean the world to me, it really would. More than any number 1, any sell-out tour, it is very special to have that positive effect on someone else's life. One particular occasion stands out, specifically the first time this happened. People often say, 'I played this Westlife song at my wedding,' stuff like that, and it's great, I love hearing about that impact on people's lives. But nothing like that has hit me as hard and as deeply as one night, about a year after I came out, when a young lad came up to me in a Sligo nightclub and told me how my coming out had helped him. Being a young Irish man, his youth would have been quite similar to mine in terms of his sexuality - I had never seen two guys walking up the street hand in hand for example; homosexuality was not something that was publicly displayed. This young guy said that his mum had the paper with an article about me and he mentioned it to her and then seized the moment to come out to his parents. He said it was all brilliant afterwards and that he just wanted to thank me personally for helping that happen. I was choked, but I didn't want him to see me that emotional, so I politely thanked him and had a little chat. He said he was a fan and I was a bit like, If I let on to him how much this means to me... There were definite tears in my eyes and I was stuttering, but I stayed composed and didn't really let on, so we chatted some more, then went our separate ways. After he'd gone, I couldn't stop thinking about his story and what had happened, it had a huge impact on me. I sat at home later going over what he'd said. If someone comes up and says, 'I loved your last album,' I'm like, 'Oh, cool, thanks!' If they say, 'I loved your vocal on this song,' it does make me smile and changes my mood. But when something like that happens, it literally makes me want to cry with joy - however soft I might sound saying that, it genuinely brings me joy. It's happened on a few occasions since, but even if that had been the only time, it is something I will take with me when I leave this planet as one of my proudest moments in life. When you have an encounter like with that lad in the Sligo night- club, it gives you the sharpest perspective in a second. I've been lucky enough to come out and be delighted with the consequences. I wish I had done so a long time before, because it really wasn't as big a deal as I had built it up to be. People reacted brilliantly to me and my life has changed infinitely for the better since. Since I broke those walls down, I've enjoyed things so much more and something has lit up inside me. Now I can embrace life knowing what is important to me and I am very grateful for that.