Be Specific

Date: 2015-10-07; view: 476.

Be Concise

Sentence Structure in Leads

(1) Man dies on railroad tracks.

REVISED: A 19-year-old Detroit man was killed early Tuesday when he was hit by a train while lying on some railroad tracks just south of Nova Road.

(2) The federal government issued a report about welfare recipients today. The report stated that the number of welfare recipients in the United States has risen to 14.4 million, a record high.

REVISED: The federal government reported today that the number of welfare recip­ients in the United States has risen to 14.4 million, a record high.

(3) While on a routine patrol, a police officer discovered that burglars had pried to open the back door of a liquor store on Pennsylvania Avenue and stolen more than 100 cases of whiskey Thursday night.

REVISED: Burglars pried open the back door of a liquor store on Pennsylvania Avenue and stole more than 100 cases of whiskey Thursday night.

A county education official Wednesday said she favors spanking elementary school chil­dren but admitted the practice should not be used on high school students.

REVISED: A county educator Wednesday said she favors spanking elementary school children, but not high school students.

A secretary whose child was born handicapped is suing a medical laboratory for what she says was negligence.

REVISED: A secretary whose child was born blind and deaf is suing a medical laboratory which failed to detect her exposure to measles. Because of the negative test results, she decided to continue her pregnancy.